Long overdue, this has been sitting in my drafts since June 24th. All together it's a self-realization, a reaction to the Jerry Sandusky verdict, and a sincere expression of gratitude...
I had some sort of revelation yesterday morning, I was transferring the crisis line to another volunteer after a 16 hour shift and reading the news updates on the Sandusky trial verdict: guilty on 45 of 48 counts of child sexual abuse. RAINN had posted a statement commenting on what this means for survivors, how this verdict changes things and how it creates an unprecedented demand for hotline services, as a volunteer I felt the weight of that demand with the queue constantly full of victims and survivors reaching out for support. This morning I felt a sense of pride for being part of this community, as a volunteer, as a full time supporter, and then I realized also as a survivor. It seems like a dumb realization since I've known this for a while, have come to fully accept it and share my story for years now, and am and have been very active in the community, but I never imagined that being a survivor of sexual violence would be a label that I carried, I never imagined that this would be part of who I am.
But it is, there is no denying that. It's not the single event that defines me but my reaction, what has come out of my experience, that says something about who I am. When I was assaulted 6 years ago, I felt incredibly alone, incredibly lost, not knowing where to go or where to start, I stayed silent but I knew that my life would never be the same. Well my life certainly is not the same, and the month of June gives me a sour taste in my mouth, but how has this changed me? I don't volunteer, or pay specific interest to the news, or wonder what initiatives are being made to protect victims because this happened to me, I do it because I appreciate the strength of this community, I appreciate the pain that these men and women, boys and girls have experienced, and I appreciate the freedom that comes from healing.
After having that realization and feeling empowered by my survivorship and my commitment to this community, I stumbled across an article written for Sports Illustrated, titled: Sandusky verdict offers no real victory. I couldn't disagree more, while well written and hitting important points, his ending which comments again on Sandusky's lack of reaction is something I disagree with. For his victims, their stories were told, they were heard, they were believed, and the monster that forever changed their lives is being brought to justice. Personally, I care more about what this trial means for them than what Sandusky's facial expressions mean. The fact that these events were made so public, that PSU students and alumni, perhaps more than administration, reacted in a positive way, means something for all of us. Maybe as a civilization we've learned something from our mistakes, from the way we have previously hushed and silenced survivors who have stepped forward, maybe now we can change the history
I'm saying thank you to these men for their courage and bravery and their willingness to help change the future.
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