#nursesunite

I'm grateful for the uproar from nurses following the comments on The View and wanted to add my own thoughts on being a nurse and using a doctor’s stethoscope: 

I wear my stethoscope around my neck every shift. It's a weight that I wear proudly because I've earned the privilege to use it. The privilege to listen to the lungs and heartbeat of a newborn baby, the privilege to care for these moms, babies, and families every day when I go to work. I use that stethoscope to assess my patients, mom and baby, I listen to their lungs, heart, bowel sounds, I take their blood pressure, I check their reflexes, and the doctors that I work with often use my stethoscope too, the one off my neck, the one with Bridget Quinn, RN engraved on it. It's an important tool that I couldn't do my job as a nurse without. There are a few other things required not only to do my job, but to do it well. My hands, critical thinking skills, compassion, resourcefulness, stamina, resilience, education, just to name a few.

My hands have been squeezed through contractions, scratched through pushing, they have wiped away blood, sweat, and tears, they have delivered babies into this world and they have held babies as they leave us, they have started IVs, placed Foley catheters, started and stopped chest compressions, they administer medications, they find the heartbeat of an unborn baby, they check cervixes, and they hold the hand of patients and families through the best and worst times of their lives. 

As a nurse, you quite literally are holding lives in your hands, you better have expert critical thinking skills, you better know all the tricks to get that positional IV running, to turn that OP baby, to convince that mom that she can when she swears she can't, you better be able to make it through your 12-hour turned 17-hour night shift, and you better be ready to come back the next night to do it all over again. As nurses, we are all those things, we are the most trusted profession, and we hold a strong commitment to our patients because we love what we do. It takes a special kind of person to do the job of a nurse, to be a nurse. I know because I am one and because I hear from many people quite often that they could never do some of the things myself and my colleagues do. That may be true for some but for myself and the other many million nurses in the world I could not imagine doing anything else. 

#nursesunite 

to the father of my future children

To the father of my future children and the fathers of my future childrens' children:

May you be brave enough to be selfless.

May you learn to braid hair or at least try.

May you be silly and playful and never too serious.

May you enjoy their presence, even in the middle of the night.

May our children never wonder if they are loved by you because not only will you show them daily you'll tell them daily.

May you try every day to live up to their expectations.

May you be the superhero they envision you as.

May our children never fear you, instead may they trust you completely.

May you be worthy of their trust.

May you be the type of father that is celebrated not only on Father's Day but every other day.

May we be a beautiful family, with a loving home, with always open doors, a refuge from the rest of the world. 

Love,

Your future children's mother

Witness to a Miracle

8 years ago, I was witness to a miracle.

Jennifer Lanzaro was a beautiful spirit born with cystic fibrosis, she lived her life with enzymes and breathing treatments, with laughter and love, with Mets baseball and slurpees, and with her sister Marissa who did the same except wisely preferred Yankee baseball. Both Jennifer and Marissa bravely battled this horrendous disease, they stood by each other and supported the efforts of one another and believed in a bigger, brighter future for themselves and for the generations behind them.

When Marissa died in June of 2006, the world stopped spinning and for a while our hope for brighter future was dimmed. But just six months later, Jennifer would save us all, as a kind stranger saved her. Jennifer lay in the grips of death waiting on what could only be called a miracle. And I witnessed it. The miracle of organ donation. I walked at the head of her bed as she was wheeled to the OR and wondered what our lives would be like ten hours from now. I wondered and waited by the elevator, starving but not eating the NY take out in Mt Sinai's cardio-thoracic surgery waiting room. I thought back to six months prior and remembered making the photo collages for Marissa's funeral while Jennifer lay her head in my lap, I silently hoped that I would not be making collages again because who would lay their head in my lap? I sat terrified, and thought about how we would survive if she did not. It was such a challenge to put together the excitement for these new lungs with the uncertainty of the surgery and the critical nature of Jen's condition. But when morning came, our hearts exploded, and we were all saved along with Jennifer. One of her many surgeons came out to tell us all that the surgery went well, and I can remember holding my breath and reaching for the round leather stool in the waiting room as my knees buckled. It would be days before she could talk to us, months before she would come home and it would be four years almost to the day when her time would come and we would all gather inside her hospital room to hold her hand as she left this world. In that time we would celebrate holidays, lungaversarys, and birthdays. Jennifer would become an advocate for cystic fibrosis, she would lecture to medical students, nurses and faculty, she would raise thousands of dollars for cystic fibrosis research and she would leave, with everyone who met her, the hope she had always held bright and strong.

Jennifer Marie Lanzaro

November 12, 1977- November 13, 2010

May you rest in peace with all of our love.

#SurvivorPrivilege

For 1/3 of my life I have been a rape victim. It's not something I list on my resume but perhaps I should given the recent enlightening opinion of George Will. According to him and his op-ed published in both the New York and Washington Posts, I hold a coveted status, with conferred privileges.

I don't know of the privileges he speaks of but I do know that before June 11, 2006 I was not a victim of rape. For every day after and until the day I die I am a survivor of rape. It's strange to think this had been a part of who I am for so long and it's alarming that it can still bring me to my knees in tears, wake me up from my sleep, or prevent me from feeling safe in the dark, and to some degree leave me in a state of hyper-vigilance. Maybe those are some of the privilege Will is speaking of. #SurvivorPrivilege began trending on Twitter yesterday with many survivor stories and descriptions of each individuals unique privilege associated with their rape or assault. For me I haven't been able to tie down the right words to explain my "survivor story" or to summarize the "privileges". What I have struggled with the most is the obvious and unfortunate misunderstanding of what rape is and means. Rape means being a social stigma, a living, breathing, talking one. It means making others around you uncomfortable, so much so that no one will ever ask you how you are dealing with it, it means suffering in silence because there is no way another individual can understand. It means years of pain and loss, and hope that you can come out with some piece of who you were before when you make it through this very dark and long tunnel. I'm sorry but there is no privilege associated with that.

I'm proud of the survivors who have chosen to stand up and share their stories through #SurvivorPrivilege, they have made a splash and gained significant media attention. Hopefully it will be recognized that George Will is blind for failing to see the pure strength in the women and men who have earned the "coveted status of victimhood". It's delusional of him and all fellow campus assault denialists to suggest there is no issue of rape culture in our society. They do not believe in the nationally representative statistic that says 1 in 5 women will be sexually assaulted while in college. And so they suggest that the privileges of victimhood have caused a proliferation of so called victims of so called sexual assault on college campuses across the United States.

Mr. Will and his fellow denialists are bringing light to the glaring misunderstanding of rape in our society by being part of it. This isn't something new and on some level we all play a part in it. The stigma of rape runs grassroots movements down, it prevents any upward momentum because each fight is silenced. The stigma is why when posts about a horrific news story of a young woman being gang raped because of the clothes she wore come up, people respond with private messages rather than public comments or shares. It's why when Downton Abbey featured a rape scene there was an uproar of disgust for bringing such crude and disgraceful acts in to the living room instead of support for accurately portraying a real and horrific social issue. This stigma is why when my nursing lab ran a mock trial of a rape case involving a drunk and non-consenting 16 year old and a well-liked and academically successful college freshman, every single person in the room (except for me) found him not guilty, some saying, "this would ruin his life", and "she shouldn't have lied about her age". This misunderstanding is how a judge can sentence a teacher who plead guilty to the rape of his 14 year old student to thirty days in prison, calling the 14 year-old partially responsible. So much of this is a shame, so much of it could be changed if the battle was taken out of the shadows. Let #SurvivorPrivilege be a ray of light.



#SurvivorPrivilege shows George Will just how fun it is to be a rape survivor

#SurvivorPrivilege trends on twitter

All In

The same time I started the BAT program Ian and I started doing CrossFit, and for a while I thought I was a little insane to be changing my daily activities so much and all at once, but now I'm looking back realizing that I'm incredibly grateful to have started CrossFit when I did. Sometimes you just have to go all in.

My schedule for June was class/lab 8am to 3pm Monday- Friday, and CrossFit Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday evenings, and studying/practicing assessments every hour in between, and eating and sleeping somewhere in there too. July through August was not much different except for the actual clinical experiences with live patients and more sign-offs including catheter's, medication administration, and head to toe exams thrown in.  I think all of us (the BAT's) were exhausted with our day to day schedules and could barely find time to breathe, never mind time to keep up with work, social lives, or a new exercise schedule, I even had to miss a dear friends wedding back home because I had two exams the following Monday, and I know I'm not the only one in the program to have missed out on exciting events with friends and family. We are all certainly making sacrifices to be successful in this program but I am more than sure that it will pay off 10 months from now when we can ourselves nurses. I was worried that there wouldn't be time for CrossFit, that it would wear me out more than the commitment of the BAT program itself but it has actually turned out to be the opposite and I make sure to have time for it.

CrossFit offers me structure, it makes me more accountable, it gives me more energy, it makes me stronger, and overall it just makes my day better. It's been three months now of consistent three times a week workouts, I'm doing things I never thought I'd be doing, like back squats with 125 lbs, deadlifts with 135lbs, and climbing ropes to the ceiling (I finally got all the way to top yesterday)! It's liberating and confidence boosting and most of all it is a lot of fun, even when you're dripping sweat and collapsed to the floor in the CrossFit recovery position you're still having fun, and that's why you come back the next day, at least that's why I come back. I landed myself in the hospital at the beginning of this month (everything turned out okay, and I'm all but fully recovered) and the whole time in house I was contemplating getting a work out in, IV's, tubing, hospital gown, and all. I didn't but I was back at the box less than a week from my initial admission. So, really if you want your body to heal, get your body moving, in ways you weren't sure you could, I promise you'll feel better, at the least you'll feel better about yourself. It's no secret that I have rheumatoid arthritis and it's no secret that this disease does put limitations on me and sometimes stops me in my tracks, for example with a three day hospital admission during finals week, but it's also not the be all end all, of who I am and what I'm capable of, and it's certainly not an excuse not to do CrossFit. And for those of you reading this that are thinking I could never do CrossFit, watch this video of other folks with plenty of 'excuses' not to do CrossFit for some encouragement.

 So, the biggest thank you is owed to mine and Ian's friend Yasha who has his very own CrossFit success story, is now a Level 1 CrossFit coach and is the reason Ian and I started CrossFit (only after two years of gentle nudging ;). Yasha, I cannot thank you enough for introducing CrossFit to me (and Ian) and encouraging me despite or rather in spite of my looming "limitations". And to Leslie and Barry of Southern Tier CrossFit for making it all possible!

Come fall, you can find me still making time for CrossFit despite class three days a week and clinicals four days a week, it may mean a few 6am workouts, which for me is relatively unheard of, but I'm sure it will be more than worth it. I invite you all to give a try!

Lisbon

About six months ago, I submitted an abstract on the cystic fibrosis quality improvement project I've been working on for the past two years to the European Cystic Fibrosis Society for their 36th annual conference being held in Lisbon, Portugal. To my surprise and excitement my abstract was not only accepted but given a presentation slot in a workshop on partnership with patients in adult care! I had planned on attending and presenting, worked out a flight schedule that would have allowed me to go to Lisbon present and only miss two days of school. But after careful consideration, I decided that missing two days of nursing school was two days too many and so my work is being presented on my behalf. 

This work says that there are unmet needs in the end of life care for adult cystic fibrosis patients, that healthcare professionals find unique challenges in providing quality end of life care for cystic fibrosis patients, that patients, their families, loved ones, caregivers, and healthcare providers want improved care and improved communication, and that patients are their own best advocates. 

I am so proud to have worked on this project, to have been able to remember 13 individuals and to have helped their stories influence the future of quality care. I am also proud to have given the nurses, physicians, respiratory therapists, social workers, and dietitians an opportunity and a place to share their experiences caring for these individuals. I am so grateful for the experience I gained through my role in research and as a patient advocate and I am so proud to now be a nursing student. 

So tomorrow as I walk into my nursing assessment lab to practice respiratory, cardiac, and abdominal assessments with individuals who share my passion for nursing, my work on improving end of life care for adults with cystic fibrosis will be presented in front of individuals who share my passion for cystic fibrosis in Lisbon, Portugal. 

I don't think it could be better than that.

I'm gonna be a nurse!

Welcome. Good Luck. Rest Now. Study Hard.
Those were the most common phrases being thrown around at my Baccalaureate Accelerated Track Nursing Orientation last Thursday. All of the faculty continually warned about resting now because you won't have time later and they weren't kidding. Just reading through the syllabi is a challenge and trying to fit all of the readings and assignments on to my calendar never mind in to my life is already proving difficult. BUT wahoo! I am going to bust my butt for this year and I already know that it will fly by and then I'M GOING TO BE A NURSE! Today was our first day of classes and lab. Not even 5 minutes in to my pathophysiology lecture I had this, oh my freaking gosh moment, after the professor said, "the patients you'll be taking care of as a nurse will be..." and in my head it was finally real, I'm going to be a nurse. I was signed off to make a bed with proper mitered corners, no wrinkles or creases to prevent pressure ulcers and to improve aesthetic, and then of course on proper medial aseptic hand washing technique.

So it's real, I'm here, it's started. I can tuck you in with clean hands and I am on my way to becoming a nurse. 12 months to Bridget Quinn, RN, it will be a hell of a ride.