Earlier this week I had this how did I get here and what did I miss along the way feeling? Fairly usual Tuesday, working away at Macy's with some particularly cranky customer's and a number of high schooler's shopping for prom. I think I may have been over tired but I stopped for a second and thought did I go to prom... did I even go to high school? Well of course I did, but I don't remember ever being a high schooler who felt care free and went shopping for earrings on a Tuesday. Is that a bad thing? Probably not, but it led me to think about a link a friend posted a while ago on the top 5 regrets of the dying. This short article is about a book written by an Australian palliative nurse who counseled and interviewed patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives, she compiled the most common regrets that were expressed by her patients...
First on the list, "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."
Second, "I wish I hadn't worked so hard."
Third, "I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings."
Fourth, "I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends."
And fifth, "I wish I had let myself be happier."
This is quite powerful information, if we can identify what most individuals wish they had done differently than maybe we can live more fulfilled lives. When I first read this article, I felt a bit of weight because I was having these regrets already. But looking back at it know and recognizing the conscious decision I made at the beginning of this year to better myself, to work at decreasing my stress level, and to generally improve my well-being, I feel a bit of a release.
I have always tried to remain true to myself and to live the life I want to live, but things can get cloudy when there are many expectations hanging over you. My decision to pursue nursing is my decision alone, it's one that even surprised me but it is one that I am so incredibly excited about.
I am glad for and proud of the work that I put in to the past 4 years, I sometimes worry that it all sped by and that maybe I should've gone to a few more frat parties instead of working a part-time job and overloading my schedule every semester but my hard work has paid off and I know that there will be a time where I can slow down and enjoy all that's happening around me.
For the longest time I held a strong front and did not allow my feelings to interfere with any of my work or routine but I am beginning to accept the importance of recognizing my own feelings and sharing my experience to ensure that my needs are being met and that my boundaries aren't being crossed.
I do wish I had stayed in touch with my friends, my friendships are certainly something that has suffered when my time was devoted to other things. But recognizing that and making a conscious effort to sustain relationships is something I look forward to working on.
I am in a happy place, I am incredibly proud of myself for all that I have accomplished thus far on so many levels, academically, professionally, personally, and I am so looking forward to living happy, being happy, breathing happy, and just soaking it all up. Happiness has been a challenge, since the time I was 14 someone was always incredibly ill, or actively dying, or driving drunk, or threatening suicide, or getting arrested, it didn't leave much room for happiness and it left me living in survival mode. There is little room for happiness when you are living like that and it has always been a struggle to get excited for the good, something I'd have to force myself to do. Now it feels like something I am learning to do, and I've decided to make room for happiness.
Knowing this now and appreciating the insight that dying individuals give, opens up the doors of change and gives me even more drive for success, which may be measured in the regrets I no longer have.
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