Oh wow! It's been way too long since I've posted on here... forgive this speedy summary of the past few weeks :)
After addressing my concerns with my original Spirituality and Healing professor with the university ombudswoman I was sent to the Dean of the School of Nursing who was appalled by the comments that had been made about victims of all kind and was concerned with the content of the course as a whole. I was so nervous for this meeting and felt like I was embarking on a crusade or something of the sort, but I was met with kindness and compassion, I shouldn't have expected anything less from a nurse. She was so warm and accommodating and set me up with a life changing independent study with an incredible palliative nurse, Maureen, who will surely be a resource for many years to come. Maureen has introduced me to so many influential people in the palliative care world and has taught me the philosophy of palliative care in such a significant way. She is one of those people that chooses to place themselves among the dying, that facilitates a good death whatever that is for whoever it is because she knows the power of it.
Being a witness to my cousin Jennifer's death and being fortunate enough to hold her hand as she passed away is a pinpoint moment that significantly changed my life. I cannot describe that moment with any other words than absolutely beautiful and filled with love. I recently sat in on a hospice board meetings and heard so many people describe their best death experiences, most of which touched on the fact that there was a deeper sense of self when you entered the room, you were interacting with this individual on a uniquely spiritual level and there are just some things about it that you can't explain. I truly felt that with Jennifer and I am so grateful for that experience. It was such an incredibly positive experience and it's what opened me up to the advanced care planning project I worked on at LIJ and what led me to take the initial spirituality and healing course in the first place.
Working with Maureen has really been incredible, I'm sure I've said that already and I'll probably say it again. Our meetings started out as 1 hour, quickly turned to 2 hours, then to 3, and then to 4. It was overwhelming at times but I have to say I just wanted more time, there was so much to learn and I wanted to get it all! I was able to sit in on her undergraduate palliative nursing course and she even had me give a surprise guest lecture on end of life issues in cystic fibrosis. She has introduced me to the director of accelerated track nursing program and already has ideas in her head about where my clinicals will be when I return here as a nursing student. And on Thursday she is introducing me to the application reviewer for the program. It's really been an absolutely wonderful experience and has me even more excited to begin my nursing journey.
After completing my supervised hours on RAINN's OHL I became an official trained volunteer with my own schedule and everything and I am loving it! I'm practicing compassion and empathy, it's what I live and breathe. I have such immense respect for the individuals who have found the strength to reach out and seek the help or the answers that they need and I am so glad that I get to play a role, no matter how small, in their journey and their recovery. Since starting I've had a number of visitor's thank me and tell me that they wished they could give me a big hug, and that "I seriously just changed their life". Does it get any better than that?
Two weeks ago I gave my final presentation and handed in my final paper for my master's before completing my exit interview the next morning, where my conferral of degree was signed! I had hoped I'd make it here despite the many set backs that illness, death, and all the stress in between brought in but to really have done it, to be finished with my Master's Degree at 22, feel pretty damn awesome.
Oh and I've also been working at Macy's (it pays the rent and offers a nice discount to stock up on work clothes for my future), recently moved into fine jewelry, (yay commission and diamonds and sapphires and emeralds and rubies oh my!) it's a funny place, but has really been a pleasure to work at. I'm a bit surprised myself. This morning I opened for fine jewelry all by myself for the first time, which involves coming in an hour early unlocking safes, putting jewelry out and counting it all and logging it all in time for the morning meeting. Afterwards, one the funny and gossipy and slightly crazy fine jewelry ladies gave me a little Macy's Magic card that said, "Great job opening!!! Welcome to the team, you will do great!" It's the little things, that make the difference.
It's been a lot to juggle between volunteer hours for RAINN and Crime Victims, finishing final assignments for my master's, working one on one with Maureen, and being a pretty much full time employee at Macy's, but it's all worth it in the end and I really am at my best when I'm busy.
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