This blog has been calling my name for the past few weeks as
work and life has been stressful as ever… And knowing that my work load is doubling on
Monday has had me dreading tomorrow at 8am since before I even left the office on
Friday. So, all the more reason I need to remind myself of why I created this
blog in the first place, to serve as a release and as a place for exploration
of feelings.
This job is most definitely excellent preparation for my
future nursing career and I know that the experience I’m gaining now. On one
hand I have 14 hour days, realizing at 3pm that you didn’t eat your breakfast
yet, running (yes, literally) through the office to give report on the 3
patients I’ve interviewed in the last 20 minutes, having 6 phone calls to
return 34 unopened emails 4 patients ready in exam rooms and 2 drug reps in the
waiting room, having great expectations that are often let down, trying your
hardest and getting an F you in return. On the other hand I have incredibly
rewarding and fulfilling conversations with some of the strongest and bravest
individuals on this earth, thank you calls and text messages that warm my heart,
and the opportunity to provide companionship when it’s missing and needed. I am
so happy that I have this job and that I decided to take the year to do this,
but I am wishing I had more time for patient care, for learning and teaching,
and for providing compassion. It’s a draining position to be in to want to do
everything in your power to help make everyone’s situation just a little
better, a little easier. It’s draining, to the point of tears, after hours of
phone calls, effort, energy, belief in and hope for an individual, to be let
down, to be given up on and to witness someone give up on themselves. Sometimes,
particularly in moments like that, I forget that the feeling and desire to help
is powered by optimism and hope. I think we all need to remind ourselves of
that and choose not to give up.
I get told, fairly often,
that I can’t save the world. Well, I know that, but that will never stop me
from trying with all that I have, it’s who I am, and I refuse to lose sight of
that.
So in preparation for the coming week and more so as a new mantra, I am reminding myself that I am not someone who gives up. No matter what.
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